Pilgrims way an essay in recollection

I am 18 years old and I grew up as a Presbyterian Christian.

I went to church every Sunday as a child with my siblings and my mother. Though I went to Church, I felt it was just something people did and there was nothing else to it. I did not really understand it, so I lived most of my life not understanding who God really was. Growing up, my home started becoming broken. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety at the age of 12 and I never thought anything of it. I had very few friends, no hobbies, and no desire to do practically anything.

I went with one of my best friends and we went because of the activities that were offered there ice skating, hiking, rock climbing , I had no interest in the worship part of the trip. I had no idea what that meant but I just went with it. I was immediately filled with this powerful warmth and pressure in my chest, and I started bawling crying.


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I had no idea what was going on there were others who had the same thing happen to them at the same time as me. This was my awakening to God. Years passed and I had kept my relationship with God, but over time it seemed to have been incredibly distant. I stopped thinking about Him for a while. The past two years, I completely, and unknowingly, separated myself from God. It was possibly the worst two years of my life. I am in my Senior Year of high school now and I had another awakening.

This winter has been especially hard for me academically, socially, and mentally. The song that I pressed not to mention by accident was the song that the band had played that significant night. I started to feel that warm feeling in my chest again. It was a really cloudy day and I was just looking out of the window enjoying the song.

My chest became so warm and I was so overjoyed that my toes were tingling.

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That very second I knew that the face I saw was Him. Since then, all I could think about was Him. I am now able to hear Him in my own thoughts and I can feel in my chest whether something is right or not. I physically feel him with me all the time. Martin March 6, Reply. It sounds to me as if God is reminding you of the divine presence.

God is with us whether or not we are aware of it.

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Sometimes we have to open our hearts. Sometimes, as in your first case, the divine spirit just comes in without an invitation. Our lives have many ups and downs. It is difficult, but then most important, to be aware during the dismal times that God is with us, loves us, and is available to guide us. You are receiving direct guidance and here a further challenge comes in — the challenge of spiritual discernment. It takes careful attention to recognize and correct interpret the divine signals.

It sounds as if you are doing a good job of that. Raymond February 7, Reply. I just have to relate this to someone and this seems as good a place as any. A line in the song says something about sitting in a bar talking about Gods Grace. Within 5 seconds of hearing those words, I was absolutely struck by sadness, fear, confusion, and a massive burden in my heart. I started crying which I very seldom do and could not figure out what was happening.

Within 30 or 40 seconds I instinctively fell to my knees in my office sobbing and begging for forgiveness. I kneeled there for probably 5 minutes before trying to get up in case someone came in. So here I am relating this. Martin February 17, Reply. This is good news, Raymond.

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There was, as you put it, a massive burden in your heart. It is a deeply spiritual, grace-filled moment when you feel the sadness, fear, and confusion caused by that burden. It is indeed a moment for falling to your feet and pouring out your heart to God. That opened your heart to hearing, or feeling, the divine voice. Of course, you are blown away. Your story blows me away. Bless you for sharing!

Jacob Slaven December 14, Reply. I am 14 years old, and I live in a small town. Every night, I would go outside in my backyard to get away from the struggles of life, and just observe the vast universe God has created. That week, one of the two friends I had mentioned, his grandmother past away. That same week, the friend I was just talking to yesterday came home to find his dog was dead in the pastures.


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  5. The next night, I went outside and conversed with God once again, but I cried, because I knew he had been with me all this time, and I realized, that feeling was to open up, or go talk to those people and comfort them. What does this mean? Is this a mad coincidence?

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    The factors of life? Martin January 1, Reply. Jacob, it was NOT your fault. He also gave you confirmation that He is real and cares about your life and the lives of others. These events could be just coincidences, but you learn more by taking them seriously than by discounting them. You may have further moments God comes to you or you may not.

    God has already let you know that He is present and caring. Cherish that knowledge for the rest of your life! Lara November 29, Reply. My first conscious experience with God was a couple days after Easter this year. I call it conscious experience because it was my first time seeing and experiencing God in a way I never had before. I want to share a series of them that converted me from a non-believer to a Christian.

    I had used to go to church as a teenager in early s with friends but did not really catch on what it meant to know God and be a Christian. So expectedly and tryingly, I faded away from Christianity a year or so later, still a teenager. The sermons are ridiculous! Why are they dramatizing the death of Jesus? I was just full of resentment and critique after the service.

    At the same time, my mind could not get off the thought of what the church was all about.

    In a way I felt tormented over a week or so and that was so weird when I was supposed to be studying for my exams. Then came one day when I was just completely frustrated, the friend who churched me during Easter consoled me and gave me some wise words. Inexplicably, I felt a sudden peace and calmness in my mind and a sort of looking contently from above sort of calm all around me, that my problems I saw suddenly seemed so small and insignificant.

    And my friend said he was surprised to have said those things to me for he did not think he could say those words, when I thanked him for his kindness.

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    That was a bit surreal and I did not feel frustration for the next few months very rare. I did not realise it then and thought to myself in retrospection two weeks later that was God coming close to me and healing my wounded self. Soon I decided to buy a bible as my teenager bible had gone missing and I felt I had to read the bible. When I did get started it is not my first time reading a bible though I was not too familiar with the content , I had no idea why, deep sorrow overwhelmed me and tears streamed down my face so excessively I was sobbing.

    For the record, I was just reading the book of John where Jesus had an interaction with the woman by the well. So inexplicable that I decided the only next reasonable step is I must put my faith in God. Since then it had been about a month plus after Easter, I had been having very strange experiences that just told me God is with me.

    I went to church on my own and prayed on my own and lamented to God why this Christian path is a little lonely, and at that exact moment, some show screening on TV showed a couple of people praying together and going Amen at the moment I went Amen. How coincidental is that? In my bestest attempts to be godly, that I perceived as shit fake, God had not given up on me.

    Phil Coulter - Pilgrim's Way